Letting the sunshine in

The world regained its colors | MC #80

Hi there,

Last week I came back from a much-needed trip to the seaside. After a few days of taking unhurried walks, exploring the shipyard and the city of Gdańsk, cycling, chilling in open-air bars, inhaling iodine, and simply watching waves flowing back and forth, my brain finally switched off the survival mode that I had been in since February. Returning home felt especially nice thanks to the arrival of spring bursting with colors all around. The closer the train got to Warsaw, the warmer it was and changes in nature were much more visible. Finally, the world regained its colors in many ways to me.

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📖 It's OK That You're Not OK

While traveling I finished reading "It's OK That You're Not OK" by Megan Devine. One of the most powerful truths from this brilliant book is this part in which the author explains how the social narrative affects grieving people:

“We are an overcoming culture. Bad things happen, but we come out better for them. These are stories we tell. And it’s not just on the screen.

Social scientist Brené Brown argues that we live in “a Gilded Age of Failure”, where we fetishize recovery stories for their redemptive ending, glossing over the darkness and struggle that precedes it.

We’ve got a cultural narrative that says bad things happen in order to help you grow, and no matter how bleak it seems, the end result is always worth the struggle. You’ll get there, if only you believe. That happy ending is going to be glorious.

Grieving people are met with impatience precisely because they are failing the cultural storyline of overcoming adversity. If you don’t “transform”, if you don’t find something beautiful inside this, you’ve failed. And if you don’t do it quickly, following that narrative arc from incident to transformation within our collective attention span, you’re not living the right story.

There’s gag order on telling the truth, in real life and in our fictional accounts. As a culture, we don’t want to hear that there is some pain that never gets redeemed. Some things we learn to live with, and that’s not the same as everything working out in the end. No matter how many rainbows and butterflies you stick into the narrative, some stories just don’t work out.”

Undeniably, it’s exactly how it is. As a grieving person, you feel the pressure to speed things up, quickly find the best ways to fix yourself, and ideally stop being sad, and add a nicely-sounding explanation to it all. Even if you have very caring, empathetic, and gentle people around you, it still can feel like that, and it’s common.

"It's OK That You're Not OK" is not a typical self-help guide and touches all sides of grief, even the ugly, avoided ones. The beauty of this book is the universal insights it offers to everyone who has suffered a deep loss but also those who want to be a better supporter. If you’re close with someone bereaved, show that person that you’re there. Don’t disappear and hide behind the „giving space” argument, don’t give unnecessary advice, and avoid comparing that person’s pain to others. Be present, and listen. Show support by suggesting a walk together, asking out for a tasty meal, sharing some music, or recommending a feel-good movie, or captivating book. If you genuinely want to support another in their loss read more on the author’s website.

Words cannot describe how accurate and relatable this book was for me. I’m truly thankful for the reassurance that my feelings are OK and that nothing should be hurried. Especially the concept of integration resonated with me deeply:

"The life that comes from this point on is built atop everything that came before: the destruction, the hopelessness, the life that was and might have been.

There is no going back. There is no moving on. There is only moving ‘with’: an integration of all that come before, and all you have been asked to live."

It will surely stick with me forever. Anything that happens should be processed, accepted, and integrated, without shame, or timetables. Like most life truths, these sound childishly simple yet so hard to apply…

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☼ Letting the sunshine in

Anyway, I want to let you know that I’m better now. Songs like "Let The Sunshine In" don’t annoy me anymore, and putting together today’s playlist was a blast. It’s highly energetic, disco-spirited, soaked mostly in funk, soul, and pop with a pinch of reggae.

Special thanks here for

Mark Nash

from

Joy in the Journey

! I simply fell in love with "Fisherman" by The Congos that Mark featured in one of his March issues - Alphabet Soup Week 12: The F Tracks. I haven’t heard such an earworm in a long time, and it just had to be included in today’s playlist.

Each minute of listening to the "Letting the sunshine in" mix brings me incredible warmth and waves of comfort, just like sunbeams ☼ Have a great time listening! I hope you will enjoy it at least half as much as I do:

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this and being around. Your presence, views, likes, comments, and private messages mean a lot to me. These past two months were the hardest I’ve ever experienced, and I couldn’t drum up the brain power to write anything sooner. But I feel that my creative juices are starting to flow now, so stay tuned, there are some gems cookin’ 👩‍🍳🧪🎶

Let me know what’s up in your corner of the world and what song instantly puts a smile on your face ☉ᴗ☉

Wishing you a great Wednesday!

Until the next time,